are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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