You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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