I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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