i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
