it's not cheating when I paid for it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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