And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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