Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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