whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
