I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
