3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
