shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
