You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
sarcasm needs its own font
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
