She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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