he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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