wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
