Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pants are for mortals
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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