i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
