you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
