I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
