So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
