Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
