There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Damn victory sex feels great
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
