ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
