Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
