he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
