She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it glows. i had to have it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
