What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
