someone threw a dead crab at me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
