I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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