I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
