Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
