based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
