i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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