just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
