i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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