Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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