..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
