It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Drake has all the answers
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
