you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
