why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We need to rekindle our bromance
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
MIDGETS
????
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
