I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
