I just cut my nipple shaving
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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