I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
