i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we made out on top of his cat.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I want a musical about memes.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
