How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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