Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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