I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We are all done wearing pants today
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
