And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
