one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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