If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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