You really coming over, don't trick.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
