If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
