i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
