Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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