the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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