He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
