This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
