she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
